Birthday Blog

When I turned 25 I realized life was short.
By 30, I realized that there was no point trying to micro-manage big things like career graphs and finding a drug & alcohol-free life partner.
So as I turn 31 today, I have come up with a short list of things I can do to make this world a better place; things that are in my control. Sorta.

1) Learning to flirt: I am the world's worst flirt. I used to behave like a 6yr old around men. Now I manage adult behaviour when attempting to charm but dissolve into blubbering foolishness when the charm is redirected my way. The key is to find a way to display the full spectrum of my sizable IQ & EQ without becoming a simpering git.

2) Not discriminating against people who can't discriminate between 'Its' and 'It's':
That's right. I judge people by how they spell. And I'm ashamed.
I must learn that the path to world peace does not rest on humanity's ability to spell the word 'piano' correctly.

3) Raising my voice against South Indians appearing in Fairness Cream Ads: Because, really, someone must take cognizance of this travesty.
Having endured the taunts of 'Oye Dravidian' growing up and having learnt to love my dusky Bipasha-esque hue for what it is, it is abhorrent to witness Deepika Padukone and Genelia D'souza peddling their Death-To-Sunlight potions.
May their newly un-melanin'd skins shrivel up in the tropical Bombay sun. May the colour of their upper arms not match that of their toes.

4) Ending the scourge of the 'Summer of 69' playlist in Delhi pubs: I don't know how I'll manage this, but I do believe the world will be a better place if the following tracks are permanently banned in Delhi's watering holes: Summer of 69, Hotel California, that Linkin Park track where everyone screams 'and in the end, it doesn't really matter', 'Roadhouse Blues', 'Comfortably Numb', 'California Dreaming', 'That Thing You Do' and anything by Def Leppard.
I will, however, allow 'Smack My Bitch Up' to remain on the playlist, unharmed.

5) Getting the perspective right: There will always be someone older, uglier, stupider, more cruel and insensitive than I am.
And there's no shame in using the weakness of others to make oneself feel better.

(Except when it comes to economic disparity, caste divide or racial bias. That just makes you a Nazi. Or Mayawati).

(World Domination and Dessert)