Wednesday, April 13, 2016

The Diet

Doctor, can you help me shed this weight?
Oprah says it’s all the feelings I ate
But it might be the opposite
I didn’t
Digest it all

I heard my voice the other day
Played back to me
It played so different from what I’d hoped
It was crushed under a house
Reaching out
As if
It knew it had a chance


If I open my throat out a little more
Sound out
Round out the words a little more
Maybe I will hear myself
And feel my weight
Instead of eating these things to remind me
I am here
I exist

I am heavy

click them heels, you wicked thing, we know you're in there

Monday, April 11, 2016

Every Goddamned Morning

Moments from your past are picked up and thrown back at you, unsolicited, unwanted, unasked for. Moments that may or may not have been significant to your story but in their popping up, take you back.
When all you've been struggling to do...
In the books you read...
In the prayers you pray...
In the act of war you perform with your will power...
In the resigned surrender of your heart...
Is to return to the current, to stick your feet in the moment, to not look left or right or up or down or even straight ahead or directly behind - to be okay with the hysterical blindness it brings.

Your goal is to know that 'this-here-now' is not a trap, even if it feels like it. That it is the looking back, the sudden recurrence of a feeling, a look, a whispered breath on your neck that's the trap.

And so, every goddamned morning - would you please stop?