Monday, May 18, 2009


We are roasting here in New Delhi. 'Hot' is no longer a sufficient word for the scorching furnace this city has become. It's bad enough as it is, but to be jobless and boiling is even more excruciating.

Some people, like my sister and my best friend, always seem to be busy, no matter what. Somehow, I've never understood how they manage it. How do they manage to fill every second of the day? Even when they've reached their deadlines, completed that project or are on 'holiday'. They're always at one of their 3 jobs, or at a dance/yoga class, at the library, at a party/a play/ a film. They are always rushing from one place to the next, they always have people to meet and they always seem a little out of breath.

I am always, it seems to me, static. I can only do one thing at a time. When I work on a project, that's all I do. When I take time off, I can only do recreational things (if people offer me a 2 day project during this time, I say no - unless the money's good). I often have the sense that if I take on more than one thing, there won't be enough time to complete it. You know how some people never feel they have enough money? That's me, with time. I can spend a whole day at home, not doing anything except watching television, not meeting anyone new or doing anything to contribute to society. And yet, I will guard that time jealously, as if it is sucking out all the energy I reserve for living a fuller life.

The consequence is that sometimes life happens and I am left, as I am now, in a state of being that's not necessarily been chosen by me - unemployment. I am technically in work mode, wired to be productive. My grey cells have been given ample rest and now they're on the brink of going into rust mode if they don't find something useful to do soon. I want to sign up for stuff (that's something my perpetually busy friends and sister do) - like a yoga class or a singing class. What stops me? Maybe the money. With unemployment comes a depleted bank balance. Also, there aren't any decent classes happening in my neck of the woods. Everything is so far away and in this heat, that's an important thing to consider.

I also offered my services to a volunteer organization. They gave me an assignment, I completed it and now am sitting jobless again. All seems to be quiet on that front.

I must try and find activities that take me beyond the computer into the land of living breathing human beings, where things happen and the heat is only a part of a person's day and not its entirety.

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