Photographs

We weren't supposed to take as many photographs

It was not in Nature's design 

to recall ourselves at 8 years

or 80.

It was not fated 

to be reminded of his face 

Hers

Ours, not as ugly as we thought at 25

It shouldn't be so easy that

un-summoned they invade 

our screens, like dogs

Darting in front of cars

without warning

Or prophecy 

It was meant to be a forgetting, this existence

of love and lesions

So we might string each day

Into a necklace of last days

So that each breath carrying it, this existence

became the soft touch

deep sigh

and last look

Before we turned away

See, if there were so many photographs

How would we say goodbye

And live

Critique of my poem by ChatGPT (the fucking free version)

This poem is poignant and reflective, with a strong meditation on memory, impermanence, and the modern abundance of photographs that alter how we process life and loss. Below is a critique that focuses on its strengths and areas for potential enhancement:

Strengths:

1. Theme: The central theme of memory's role in life and how photographs disrupt the natural forgetting process is beautifully original and thought-provoking. It makes the reader consider the paradox of preserving versus living.

2. Imagery: The poem uses evocative images, such as "a dog darting in front of a car" and "a necklace of last days," which are vivid and elicit strong emotional responses.

3. Tone and Mood: The poem captures a contemplative and almost mournful tone, which suits its theme well. The pacing and phrasing invite the reader to pause and reflect.

4. Structure: The lack of rigid form complements the poem's meditative nature, giving it an organic flow that mirrors the unpredictable process of remembering and forgetting.

5. Philosophical Depth: Lines like "It was meant to be a forgetting, this existence" and "How would we say goodbye / And live" carry a philosophical weight, prompting the reader to ponder life's ephemerality.

---

Areas for Improvement:

1. Clarification of Ideas: While the poem is richly layered, some lines might benefit from slight refinement for clarity. For example, "Or prophecy" feels abrupt and could use more contextual grounding to tie it firmly to the surrounding imagery.

2. Consistency in Metaphor: While the metaphor of the "necklace of last days" is striking, it contrasts sharply with the digital, modern image of "invading screens." You might consider weaving a more cohesive thread between the natural and technological elements.

3. Pacing: The line breaks and punctuation sometimes feel uneven. For instance, the abruptness in "Hers / Ours, not as ugly as we thought at 25" creates a slight jarring effect that might distract from the poem's reflective flow.

4. Title Connection: The title, while intriguing, could be slightly more evocative or better tied to the central tension of the poem. For instance, referencing memory or forgetting directly might make it more impactful.

5. Resolution: The closing lines ("How would we say goodbye / And live") are strong but could be expanded slightly to deepen their emotional resonance and tie the poem together more conclusively.

---

Suggested Revisions:

1. Consider replacing "Or prophecy" with something more visually or thematically aligned, such as "Or premonition."
2. Explore a title that directly reflects the poem's core idea, such as The Weight of Memory or Too Many Photographs.
3. Revisit the pacing in sections like "Hers / Ours, not as ugly as we thought at 25," to see if the break enhances or disrupts the poem's rhythm.
4. You could expand the idea of photographs "invading screens" by elaborating on the emotional impact of these digital interruptions.

Overall, the poem is a compelling exploration of memory and the existential tension between preservation and impermanence. With some polishing, it could be even more powerful and cohesive. Would you like help revising specific sections?